Ｃａｒｒｙ Ｏｎ

ＩＴ'ｓ　ｔｉｍｅ　ｔｏ　ｓｔａｎｄ　ｕｐ　ａｎｄ　ｐｉｃｋ　ｍｙｓｅｌｆ　ｕｐ　

ａｎｄ　ｃａｒｒｙ　ｏｎ　★　Ｉ　ｂｅｌｉｅｖｅ　ｉ'ｍ　ｓｔｒｏｎｇ　

ｅｎｏｕｇｈ　

Missing Mr.J

After 169 days, I'm still miss you like crazy! Mr. J, there's a lots of story that i want to share with you, thousand of words are floating in my mind & waiting for you... Oh damn it, i needed a little bit comfort from you...

when I think of all the moments that you hold my hand and walk together, you borrow me ur shoulder when i cried, you hug me when i need ur comfort, and I smile :)

Each time when i'm down, luckily i got girl girl here with me, accompany me get through all the tough time...

Have my new haircut and big breakthrough this year. The last hair cut for the year!!

During these period (Nov & Dec 2011), the toughest time i had. I had dilemma, indecisive, hard time. Pretty sad, emotional broke down ~

虽然你不在我身边，

我依然想念你，

希望再相见的那一天，

我还可以要求紧紧的一个拥抱！

EQ

Emotional broke down

Due to some unpleasant circumstances, my emotion fluctuated and fall into uncontrollable situation. And I'm worried & afraid of the uncertainty and depressed on the jobs. The frustration seems never gone and continue pestering me. So, I wish i have the solution in order to reduce the pressure and stress that i bear currently. I'm pretty sad that i got no one to turn to when i needed someone there for me. The mood swing make me suffer and everything seems to be troublesome. Argh.. This is kinda insane and drive me crazy. Perhaps im thinking too much as well as over worried. *how much i wish you could be here, i believe you will give me some comfort*

The only thing that i hope now is to get back on track and have a healthy life.

HAVING A CUP OF DRINK WHILE READING

A drink - Cranberry white chocolate mocha :)

It is nice & relax that you enjoy the drink while reading book. I know that i need to make some changes so the first thing to change is my emotional. Hence, i started to have some reading. *haha*

A lot to learn and absorb from the book so called The Wisdom of Emotional Management. From the reading, i realized that im actually have a lot of similar situation that being describe in the story. And the way i handle my difficulties, dilemma is kinda stupid!! LOL...

Gotta be strong and get through it ~

Im not going to repeat my mistakes twice. HAHA... But, I got to go through 2nd times of reading as i forgotten after my first.

...

宁乱的思绪

扰乱的脚步

我迷失了方向

使我无法继续前进

这一路，每一步

都走得太辛苦

我会坚持

直到我精疲力竭，

无法再撑下去的那一刻。

the dearest ♥

Thanks dears for the dinner treat aka *birthday celebration*

@ Fish & Co, One utama

It's my first time having dinner here :)
the food is nice & most importantly i got you two here with me!

The moments spend with you guys always the warmest, happily and relax... *Temporary free from faking smiles, faking talk and words* no worries exists!

Yes, I miss you guys! I cherish everything that all of u gave me and being thankful for that. Its hard to put it in words yet i would say thank you to alice & inn kin ~

Love ya so much ~ Hope there is always more time to spend together.

best sista always ♥

nice nice food :)

*yummy*

What is true?

What's wrong?

I wonder...

Flip through the memories book, I see those smiles, I read the stories of yours, I see the real one of you. but... 

I don't know what the hell is happening right now! What are you trying to avoid from me? why are you acting such the way towards me?

I felt like im being damn silly and stupid like a noob for all these. Again, im sincerely giving my care and kindness towards people yet no one is appreciate it and gonna trample it like rubbish. Im tiring with all these stupid and bullshit.

Sometimes when you sense something difference,

you couldn't find out why is it and can't even ask for the reason,

the feeling being left with all the wondering are

just too hard cope and discomfort.

Since what im doing is nothing,

I'll be better for doing nothing.

Don't ever ask me why again...

Surpriseeeeee!!!!

*sweetness addicting*

Thanks my two little bro for the surprised present :)

the effort remember in my ♥

(◕‿◕✿)

Up * Down

Standing still, im doubt on my path...

There is no way for me to turn back

yet i can't move forward

im wondering...

after endure all the hardship

what is it waiting for me at the destination?

Unexpected day ★

...... actually i'm happy that you would share with me your problems, babe!

22 Sept 2011 (Thursday)

A day which i feel kinda relief as i had settled the troublesome loan stuff. I was pretty happy and shocked to see the familiar number appear again on the screen of my mobile phone. It was unpredictable that im actually chatting with you. Although it was a short conversation, i could able to hear from you. feel heartache that when you told me you slim down so much... take care ya :)

still the lovely one, my dear!

A very first time to have tea session with my sweetheart angel *the only two person talk*. Feel getting closer to you and make me understand lots of things and learn from you. Happy to have talk with you :p

Believe that tough time won't last forever, don't be down and when you down, i will bring you up! If rainbow doesn't appear in your life, i would be the one who brighten it and draw it for you *teehee*

★ qian & angel ★

learning stage & the fact

I dump my blog since that time...

and yeah ~ tons of things happened in my life, a lots people walk in and out from my life

I just want to say thanks people!

Again - i messed up and screwed everything

I hate myself and can't forgive that im getting such weak and unproductive.

Supposedly, everything hv a good starting but...

如果有的选择，

你会做哪一类型的人？

1. 一个老老实实，在任何人面前都是好人，专被人占便宜和利用的人。

2. 一个不择手段，利用身边的人而得到好处或达到目的，不在乎别人对自己的看法，为求达到目的和利益。

if i become the one, i would wonder that will you still recognise me as your fren? Sometimes, i admit that i really care of how others look at me and how they actually think about me. If someday, i can keep myself away from others thinking & perception, i think i can be very successful. After all, this is actually what i want!!

the fact and truth...

surrounded by those type of atmosphere, make me feel the tough of facing the reality. It's kinda scary and unpredictable what will happened and you don't know when you'll be back stab by people. The truth is... keep myself awake anytime & anywhere. Be SMART ~

Confession

... after this, it would be the end of the chapter!

I lied, not only to myself but also people around me. I kept my own feeling towards you, i deny i was falling in love with you. All that i did was actually because of you... but i lied, i used many kind of excuses to persuade myself and anyone else due to the lack of courages to accept that I fell for you. Sorry that i never tell the truth.

I still wondering to know ur feeling even though it was no longer important. Yet, im unable and afraid to ask. Maybe, it is better to remains unknown.

The feeling of fearfulness conquered me badly during these days. Im afraid to lose you, I wish to rely on you for the coming days. I don't wanna back to those days that being dump. Now, i knew that im feeling so sick in the days without you :'(
The worst feeling that i never had before is I couldn't cry out loud when i know you gonna leave. Im dumb...
The only thing that i could do is giving you the best wishes!

我要你幸福！

我想看你过得开心！

因为你，

我学会了， 放手！

Resolution

Things are worth for trying. So, i never regret on my choice of path as i learned along the way. Although i make myself into the tough and unspeakable moments, i gain something that i want. *winks* - "the satisfaction - the happiness"
So, it is always true that you need to sacrifice something else in order to get something that you want.

It's time to move on towards the future. There is no free lunch in this world. People come to you with motives. What i need to be is how im going to deal with people under certain circumstances. I admit that my mindset is not mature enough and im acting naive all the time. I gonna make a move and change on myself. I don't wanna getting down while people are getting higher. I refuse to stay in this kind of lifestyle. This is not what i want.

Back to origin, its all start from here. Everything will be different and i gonna breakthrough it.

I believe i deserve a better life